Busy Election Season Marred by the Census

Readers, the good news is that I got 9 of my friends to agree to "max-out" their donations to the local GOP before November! (besides the usual Good News, that is!)And another 12 to give what they can, probably in the neighborhood of a few hundred each. I have been working the phones! 

 

On another note, I have some concerns about something that happened recently. A few weeks ago, my doorbell rang. It wasn't the paper or even the exterminator, but instead some woman who claimed to be "from the Census."

(Now you and I both know that, under our current narco-socialist regime, any visit from "the government" could very well end in abortion, white-slavery, or some forced gay activities. Unfortunately--this time, I think it was the latter.) 

I told her that I was not going to participate in this commie excuse for a Census interview and in that very moment I thought--what would Mike Huckabee do? I then felt the tingly surge I normally associate with thinking about the Holy Spirit or Mike Huckabee (before he put the weight back on.) But this time, that feeling was calling me to testify....

I straightened my back and told this gender confused young lady that I would not be counted by the Census like so many sheep for the carpet-munching government slaughter. No Ma'am! What she does in private is her own business (at least until we retake Congress!) and I would under no circumstances join her in the hot lesbian embrace she was obviously seeking.  I looked the walking-, talking-, Ellen-watching, one-woman Death-Panel at my doorstep right in the eye and told her to go live in the some desert-homo FEMA camp herself!

What I propose is a counter-revolution to this intrusive people-counting madness. We should follow the census takers with biblically appropriate pamphlets and minister to the people at the houses they have visited. That will show Satan (and Barney Frank) who's boss. Talk about making lemons into lemonade! (Obviously, the lemons are communism and the lemonade is our freedoms). Remember, JESUS Himself punished David for ordering a census of his people (1 Chronicles 21:9-14) So there is a precedent here!

I look forward to meeting you in person and formulating a winning strategy! Full speed ahead to November!

All the best,

Betsy 

Confidential to Sharron Angle

Sharron,

We are almost the same age and I know exactly what you mean about not being able to tell Mexicans and Asians apart. It's a shame thoughtless people are again mocking you for something that happens to so many of us!

Every Cinco de Mayo, I had been buying "Maria," my cleaning lady, one of those tequila-themed gift baskets the hispanics adore so much. It was only after 18 years in our household that I realized that "Maria" was actually a Filipina and not from Ecuador or wherever it is Mexicans come from. Turns out her name was "Maya Arulpragasam" or some danged jungle nonsense! How was I supposed to know? I always made the check out to "cash" anyway.

I needed to put an end to the confusion. I mean, who has an Asian housekeeper? And you know about American men of a certain age and Asian ladies. I fired her before she could run off with Marv and his pension.

So don't let the "lamestream" media get to you! It happens to all of us. Stay strong -- with Christine O'Donnell and Carl Paladino tanking, we need you to be the brave face of the Tea Party so you can repeal HEALTHCARES.

ActionAlert: My Letter to the DC Metro Subway System

Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority
Board of Directors
600 5th Street, NW
Washington, DC 20001

Dear WMATA Board of Directors:

I was recently visiting your “area” (not really a state since you can’t vote and -- Praise the Lord and Jason Chaffetz -- it’s going to stay that way) for an Important and Uplifting -- yet completely non-political -- Glenn Beck Event that was held on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and I had the opportunity to use your “Metro” train system.

Now, technically, public transportation of any type is socialist, plain and simple, and makes the Baby Jesus weep his blue eyes out. But I just come off a double hip-replacement and stomach stapling, and, as long as I’m popping percocets like an Arizona beer heiress, Marv won’t let me near the Buick. (That incident at the farmer’s market didn’t help. Danged sticky gas pedals!)

So into your underground den of Stalinism I went.


I noted that the Metro stations in good (white) areas have cellular telephone access available freely and the more “urban” parts of town (IF you KNOW what I MEAN...) are -- according to your press release -- still “waiting” for this service to be connected. (Smart move. One must be subtle with racial matters these days.)

What with the political climate what it is--it seems as if simply standing up for the white race has become illegal! (First they came for Dr, Laura, and I said nothing!) Well! I am speaking up to thank you all for standing up for good, white, people across the area, from the concrete expanse of Arlington to the tasteful shopping districts of Bethesda, to whatever pockets of Silver Spring are actually inhabitable after dark.

It was with GREAT pleasure that I noted that areas where minorities are likely to travel/congregate in your underground train system are without internet access or cellular telephone service, while stations all the way out to Maryland and Virginia enjoy a full four bars of freedom. A hard-working accountant or fireman, on his way home from a long day of work, can check his Aol underground in Bethesda or listen to an Alex Jones podcast waiting in Arlington. But others, maybe “Black Panthers,” riding in Anacostia, Harlem, or other “less desirable” parts of town are STOPPED in their tracks from plotting voter fraud, breakdancing flash mobs, or voter fraud, at least while “wilding” through the subway system, anyhow.

We know how dangerous the Black Panthers are -- it has been all over FOX news like B. HUSSEIN Obama on a golf vacation. BUT without a real-time connection to other dangerous, freedom-hating welfare radicals, they will be left to make those funny beatbox noises on the station platform and just call each other the “N-word” back and forth. We don't need universal underground wifi making the DC Metro system a second "underground railroad"...To paraphrase former Republican Leader Trent Lott,"we wouldn't have had all these problems over all these years" if there wasn't wifi on the FIRST Underground Railroad!

In these downright frightening times of rampant wealth re-distribution, health insurance, and terror-mosques, it’s good to know that you people there at the Metro system are quietly turning the dial towards our way of life, in a small but important way that may actually prevent another violent reparations uprising. Together, we can make these subway blacks stick to braiding each others hair and stay out of the internet and community organizing! Obviously, I don’t mean that in the racist sense.

Together against “Dark Forces”--IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...

Mrs. Marvin (Elizabeth) McCoochey

1 Timothy 2:12:

But I suffer not a woman to teach nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

Family Values Under Assault in the Air

It seems that my suspicions are being confirmed today that the war on our Christian Majority has now defied not only God's law but also gravity, with the announcement of a new passenger class on select airlines which will allow everyone from unmarried couples and random gay leather-men to illegal aliens and the French to grind their bodies together unchecked in sinful semi-privacy.

Known to Air New Zealand as "cuddle-class" and to those of us in the Family Values community as, "Highway Rest Stop Class" this new seating configuration will allow spreading out over three seats to accomodate wider girths and to allow already-low moral standards the space in which to continue to plummet like demand for McMansions in the Tampa suburbs.

Regular readers here will know that dry-humping in mid-air isn't commonly recognized as a sign of an impending Judgement Day the way seas running red, plagues of weevils or Health Care Reform is. But nonetheless, I say it's another workaday example of our modest Christian way of life being attacked by the Godless left.

Not one to just sit back and wait for the Rapture, I called Air New Zealand and inquired if they also have plans for a Sharia Mexican Class in the works. Or maybe a special section for Obamacare recipients on their way to their Death Panel appointment? I'm still waiting on a call back but you readers will be the FIRST to know!

Call them yourselves, folks! 1-800-262-1234 is the number. Report in the comments what kind of a response you get.

Target Fights for Traditional Families!

Have you heard that the Target Corp is donating big bucks to the GOP this election season? $150,000 so far! I decided to write them a letter saying "Thank You!"

From the Desk of Marvin & Betsy McCoochey

Subject: THANK YOU!

Target Corporation

Denise May, Assistant to the CEO

Dear Target:

THANK YOU FOR STANDING UP FOR WHAT IS ON THE “UP & UP” IN AMERICA TODAY BY DONATING $150,000 TO ENSURE THE ELECTION OF FREEDOM-LOVING, SIN-HATING, CONSERVATIVE CANDIDATES!!!

My husband of 48 years, Marvin McCoochey, always said that your red bulls eye logo was the mark of the beast 666, but I disagreed, breaking my covenant with the Lord to obey my husband (you should at least send me a 20% off coupon for that!). I said, “Marv -- Why would any store not honoring the Lord our God bother calling their private-label product ‘Up and Up’?”

But that is neither here nor there, you see, because today I am writing to you good people to THANK YOU for doing your part to stop the HOMOSEXUALIZATION OF AMERICA!!! One frozen pizza or plus-sized stretch negligee at a time.

Believe it or not, some people sleep peacefully at night, not knowing that there is a PERVASIVE GAY AGENDA, barreling towards our families like a chisel-chested Armageddon, a smartly-dressed thief in the night, limp-wristedly stealing our freedoms and making our own Christian sons renounce their upbringing and move to San Francisco to work for a non-profit!

The masses may be content to “live and let live” or “not pound them into fag-patties” but Target, like my own family (except for my boy Duwayne, we pray for him nightly) stands STRONG AND HARD against a future where our children will be taught--in school--about what those muscle-man ads in the back of the newspaper are for. Tops are spinning amusements and bottoms are pants--end of story !

If more good and wholesome companies donated their funds to conservative causes like you folks at Target--we could not just keep the homosexualist corn-holers at bay, we could drive them back down on their knees and into the loving arms of Christ himself.

Just as our rally cry is LIVE FREE OR DIE we will show them LIVE STRAIGHT OR DIE. Thank the Lord the good folks at Target recognize that our way of life as a God-fearing, man-on-woman, white majority is under siege! Your donation of $150,000 has perhaps even inspired Senator Saxby Chambliss’ staff to heed the call as well!

Perhaps a flaming Armageddon could still come to our Great Nation -- carrying a set of ball gags and draped in 85-threadcount sheets parading last nights santorum -- in spite of Target Corp’s $150k. But you good people deserve some of the credit for beating off the democratic horde assembling at the gates of a future homoerotic hell! The big, red, bulls eye of Target is aimed squarely at the America-hating backsides of liberals, homos, and those effeminate climate-change jihad-o-ricans this November!

I'll tell you what -- the Target Corporation can count on two solid, red, Republican votes in the McCoochey household that didn’t cost the company a dime -- even my husband Marv is involved in getting out the vote this election season! I overheard him whispering something about a fellow named “Dirty Sanchez” on the telephone. He must have been phone banking for that nice sheriff in Arizona. He shouldn’t be so bashful about it--2010 is the year for people like us--people like Target!

All the Best,

Mr. & Mrs. McCoochey

Readers: What do you think about Target's support of anti-homo GOP candidates? Please comment below

Hello Fellow Conservatives!

Welcome to my Blog on the internet. I am Mrs. Marvin (Elizabeth) McCoochey. (Call me Betsy!) I am a proud Tea Party Republican, involved locally and nationally (thanks to the internet) in all sorts of conservative causes. This blog is how I keep in touch with my family, friends, and fellow travelers on the march back to Constitution-Era America.

This blog is also where I RAISE HELL about to homo-Islamicization of the USA! So look out liberals, jihadis, welfare queens, and "pro-regulation" Obamabots!

Feel free to drop me a line sometime! Or join and donate to Grandma Grizzly PAC, America's new center for Conservative Activism, Grandma Betsy McCoochey-style!

GrandmaGrizzlyPAC has the ear (electronically speaking) of America's Top Conservatives...we will regularly post our correspondence with them here. So check back regularly!